I am in a stuck situation and I can’t figure out how to get out of it. First I’ll admit that I’ve been cheating on my boyfriend but it really isn’t my fault. He literally drove me to it. It’s not that he don’t treat me right, but because he just cant fulfil me in bed, so I found my lovin somewhere else. But here’s my problem, my boyfriend bought me a ring and proposed so now we’re getting married but my man on the side won’t leave me alone. All of a sudden he’s talking like we had a real relationship even though I only went to see him when I wanted to get some. I told him that we were over but he keeps blowin up my phone and coming by my job so much that people started to ask me who he was so I had to tell them he’s my cousin. But that ain’t the only problem. My boyfriend has a friend that’s a girl who thinks she’s hot shit because shes going to school. He tells me they’re only friends but I don’t believe him and even if its true that could change any time. So what do I do? How do I get this guy to stop bothering me and how do I get this chick to leave my man alone.
Bride to Be
Dear Bride to Be,
You’re fuckin’ with me right? This is one of my friends trying to be funny isn’t it? Come on, you can tell me.
Okay well in case this bizarre letter is actually someone looking for help, allow me to share my wisdom.
First, I find it peculiar that your boyfriend LITERALLY drove you to cheat. You do realize, I’m sure, that this means that your boyfriend pulled up in his car, you hopped on in, he hit the accelerator and DROVE you to that dude’s house right? Of course you know that, because I can tell from your letter you are an educated woman. But really, that is such a small part of what is wrong here.
Can I ask you a question? Now that the ring was presented has your man suddenly become a good lover? No? Then what do you plan to do. Where you going to find your “lovin” once you say I do? I find it hard to believe that a woman who thinks it’s her boyfriend’s fault she cannot keep her legs closed is going to settle for a lifetime of being faithful.
Then there’s your man’s friend. Guess what hootchie mama, all women aren’t like you. Some women CAN be friends with a man without whoring it up with him. I can see why you would think it impossible though, since you need to get some by the men in your life, obviously, every woman must need to get some too huh? But remember, she is NOTHING like you – she is trying to better her MIND rather than her sexual statistics (which, in your language equates to being hot shit).
You think you have a problem here but I have a news flash for you – it’s not you that has the problem – it’s the fool who thinks he can turn a ho into a housewife. I say call it off, get back on your corner and just leave marriage and wedding talk to the decent people.
I’m still going to say good luck because holy shit you are so going to need it.